mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize