I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
