Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
