so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
sarcasm needs its own font
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
