New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
