haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
