so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize