I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
