ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
