we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
