Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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