I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
