just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
