There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
