Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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