I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize