saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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