you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
