I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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