Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
