My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
