we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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