I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
