I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
