if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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