The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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