Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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