Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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