Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
