I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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