So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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