I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
