I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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