Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
