I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
