i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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