this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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