Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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