just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
