We're facebook friends in real life
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
