he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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