Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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