Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
