My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
