Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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