Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
