I just pynch a tree in the face
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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