Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
