the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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