So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
