Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
