He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
