Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
is wine microwaveable?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
