i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
