fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
