There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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