You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just cropdusted the office
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
