whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
