no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My friends, they love my intelligence
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Randomize
