And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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