Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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