Having a random hookup so left but love u
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I can't put those talents on a resume
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
