I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
