I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
