Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My feet surprised me
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
