Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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