Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
