chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
