Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
