What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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