a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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