i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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