just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
How does one acquire holy water?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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