Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
