The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
