Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
