Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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