saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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