dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
