he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
